Trying to find me..

The last three months have been amazing. I've ventured through cities, trying to scutinize them under a microscope, trying to pick out flaws, trying to grow myself, trying to admire-love-and-hate!

As my vacation begins to end, I end many old beginnings. I cement certain beliefs in affirmation and pledge to plough away others in disgust.

I know I've said it many times, but i cant say it enough. I miss imo. I'm a firm believer in having a marriage the complements two individuals. Being married, doesnt mean we have to leave behind our lives prior to marriage - instead we build up on each other's lives. It's been tough being without Imz but its been yet another moment for both of us to step back, reasses and re-align ourselves and our marriage. I seem to miss the most meagre-ist of things abt him. Even tho I'm being thoroughly pampered by my fam, I miss the way he pampers me sooo silly - perhaps only so i'm too spoilt for anyone else! Things that bugged me before, I miss them like crazy now. I miss the way he left his clothes all over the house once he came home from work or the way his laptop wires would be stretched out across the room or that his socks would invariably end up on my side of the bed- somehow! I miss his clutter. I miss his chili dogs, his pasta and all those whack fusioned dishes! But i've learnt. I've learnt that life is tough without him . I've learnt I need to thank more often for the blessings i take for granted. I've learnt i need to appreciate him more.

My visit to Mumbai was very, very heart wrenching. I saw people sleeping on hawker carts. I saw people sleeping under them. I saw women cooking on charcoal. I saw people living such simple lives, but with so much joy that it made me realize w create problems for ourselves. Nothing is a big deal. We make it a big deal. There are sooo many other, bigger problems out there and compared to those problems, our troubles are luxuries. YET, we arent happy.

During my trip, I saw women. I met women. I saw them from a western eye. I saw them from an eastern eye. I saw them from an islamic eye. It bothers me. It bothers me soooo much. From every angle, every perspective. I'm just bubbling inside, almost screaming. I wish..! I've learnt I'm blessed and I need to work harder. I'm cringing inside to leave TO and work on women here. Compared to the rights i'm fighting for there, women here have NOTHING.

I've learnt ... and I'm learning! More updates as i realize!